Thursday, October 25, 2007

Typical Egyptian Throw-In Italia 1990

[to be read as slowly as possible]

Oh, look! The ball’s gone out of play.
I think that it’s our throw.
Don’t hurry now, we’ve got all day.
We’re drawing, don’t you know?
The ballboy’s picked the ball up first.
Throw it to me, sonny!
It’s hit my knee. I must be cursed.
No really, it’s not funny.
Darn, it’s rolled away again.
I’ll get it, don’t you worry.
Rushing goes against the grain,
Oh, why do people hurry?
There now, see! I’ve got the ball.
I’m back in my position.
But was it a throw-in at all?
What was the ref’s decision?
I’ll place the ball down for a free
And take a few steps back.
Is someone whistling loud at me?
Why can’t they cut some slack?
Sorry, ref, what’s that you say?
I don’t quite understand.
Why are you looking cross today
And pointing at your hand?
Oh yes, I see, it is a throw!
Forgive me, my mistake.
Sure, I’ll get on with the show.
Why not, for goodness sake?
Now where did the football go out?
Was it here or further up?
It’s hard to think, there is no doubt,
When playing in the Cup.
Here, you say, Herr Referee?
Here, where you’ve just pointed?
Thank you for your accuracy,
I’m sorry I’m disjointed.
Here, I’ll throw it down the line.
Oh no. He’s being marked.
The Irish lads don’t act benign.
In fact, they’re getting narked.
Perhaps I’ll do a massive throw
Away back to the keeper.
Maybe not. It may not go
Much further than the sweeper.
Why does no-one make a run,
Or show a turn of pace?
D’you think I’m standing here for fun?
That’s really not the case.
Someone come a wee bit nearer?
You’re all too far away.
Come in where I can see you clearer.
Don’t you want to play?
What was that? I heard a call.
Oh yes, it’s my full back.
He’s calling loudly for the ball.
I’d better throw it back.
Oh dearie, it is not my day.
God curse that Irish toe!
Oh look, the ball’s gone out of play.
I think that it’s our throw.

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